What is Ghosting?
Ghosting is a newer term in the world of dating. The term was officially entered in the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2017 when the online dating world gained popularity. It refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so. The term ghosting came about because it is essentially all about someone “vanishing” into thin air. Ghosting almost always refers to a romantic relationship, but it isn’t exclusive to that. Sometimes you can even be ghosted by a friend or family member. Let’s break this down: how to cope with being ghosted.
Why do People Ghost?
Ghosting can take place for many reasons, but one big reason is because of attachment styles. For example, when two people who are in what’s known as an ‘anxious-avoidant’ dynamic (where one person craves more closeness and the other person craves more distance), then the avoidant person, who might feel suffocated or overwhelmed by the relationship, might ghost the other person because they might struggle to communicate their feelings honestly. Another reason people ghost is because of a lack of social awareness. With the rise of dating apps, people might treat dating like a shopping mall because of the “swipe right society.” They might not have the social skills to end a relationship properly and might feel that disappearing is easier. Lastly, someone might ghost due to narcissism. If a person wants to maintain control, then they might use intermittent ghosting to stay dominant. However, this can create a very toxic cycle of abuse.
How to Cope if You’re the One That’s Been Ghosted
Being ghosted might hurt at first, but there are strategies you can work on to make yourself feel better. The first step is to face reality. It can help immensely to accept that fact rather than to add more to the story by ruminating, rationalizing, or excusing behavior. Know that you’re feelings are valid and don’t be afraid to feel them. Write them out in a journal or talk to a friend about it. You should also avoid dwelling on the situation. Understand why people ghost and realize that it probably isn’t you, but rather their lack of capacity to get close to someone. Some other steps to moving on after being ghosted include:
- Focusing on your wellness (Practice lots and lots of self care!)
- Don’t isolate yourself (Open yourself up to healthy connections)
- Embrace your passions and goals (Focus on things you love)
- See a therapist
Thomas Rea Therapy
If being ghosted has affected your wellbeing, relationships, or that you’re struggling to let go, then therapy could help you to find a way through it. Trauma-based approaches can help you move forward from any abandonment you’ve faced. Thomas Rea is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in sex and relationship therapy. He has over 15 years of experience providing individual and relationship psychotherapy and clinical case management services and can help you get back on track. To learn more or book an appointment, click HERE.
