Common Relationship Advice That Doesn’t Work
Oftentimes when we find ourselves facing a challenge in our relationship, we turn to others for advice. However, there is so much advice out there, and not all of it is true. Let’s debunk some common relationship advice that doesn’t actually work as much as you think.
Happy Wife, Happy Life
You’ve probably heard this saying a million times over. But this advice makes the relationship sound one-sided. Both members of a relationship should be happy as often as possible. Yes, that often means compromise. Nothing builds resentment like frequently ignoring your own desires. Juliana Stewart from Evie magazine explains that the “Happy wife, happy life” saying undermines the important fact that marriage is a partnership. If both partners don’t feel like their voice can be used and is heard, then the marriage probably doesn’t foster mutual respect. It’s understandable that you want to make your partner happy, and you should try too, but don’t revolve your self-worth and happiness around it. Take care of yourself, too.
If you Fight, you’re More Passionate
This saying likely makes for a toxic relationship. Frequent fights don’t make your relationship “passionate.” They make your relationship unhealthy. If you’re constantly starting fights with your partner, taking a step back and thinking about why this happens is the first step to stopping those fights. Some other tips to stop constant fighting include taking a pause instead of reacting, inviting open and honest communication, and relating to your partner in the present rather than thinking about the past.
Never go to Bed Angry
Never going to bed angry might sound good in theory, but the result of staying up all night over a fight can actually lead to two very cranky, sleep-deprived adults who are more likely to get into another argument. In addition, sometimes arguments can’t be solved in one night because there isn’t a simple solution. The argument might trigger emotions that take both time and space to comprehend. Dr. Jess O’Reilly, host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, says “if you’re repeating yourselves and having trouble understanding your partner’s perspective, you might want to take a break and see if cooler heads and clearer minds prevail after a good night’s rest.” It’s important to remember that going to bed angry doesn’t mean you have to be completely at odds. You can still show your partner respect and explain how you’re committed to resolving the issue. As long as you’re openly communicating your feelings, you can pick back up the conversation in the morning because sometimes fights can’t be resolved in one night.
Thomas Rea Therapy
If you feel like you might need a third party to help you resolve your relationship conflict, you can learn more about Thomas Rea Therapy here. Thomas Rea Therapy provides general and specialized psychotherapy to individuals and couples 18 years of age and older.
Thomas is a LGBTQIA2S+, BIPOC, sex positive, kink, polyamory, and consensual non-monogamy sensitive and safe therapist. He has more than 15 years of experience in relationship therapy.
